thats it. I'm done. I can't be this girl anymore, the problems come when I fight it. If I stop fighting it then it should get better, i Guess. Maybe
Well then lets see, eh? eh.

sd;lskfj

I love how no matter what I come back to this point breaking and shattering on the floor
I want to die, this isn't cool anymore.
My angst just isnt what it used to be.
It stopped being cool a long time ago
I just wish they would I don't know,, try
I might get married, it shouldn't be his business
And I will have someone who understands me
or better yet a fellow Aspie
But ya know what Dad? He will wait for me to figure things out, he will have patience, and just because he is authority" or whatever doesnt mean he wont know how to wait. It doesn't mean he won't know how to shut the hell up. He will wait. If God wants me to marry he won't give me a man that doesn't understand my issues. He won't give me a man that won't give leeway,.. Maybe just maybe we can both wear the pants......it could happen.

fuck fuck fuckkity fuck fuck fuck fuck
second pay period in a row that I have gone overdraft
I need to bury myself in something this is just so not working lately

11.14

I feel these four walls closing in
Wild Horses I want to be like you
throwing caution to the wind I will run free too
wish I could recklessly love like I am longing too
I want to run with the wild horses
I see the girl I want to be
riding carefree along the shore
To act and damn the consequence
To face the fear and not feel scared.

11.6

Although I am aware of my differences it can hurt to have them be made obvious.

and now its time for some serious silent crying
that old crap is back
I believe Holly calls it the mean reds
Its that overwhelming feeling of dread
the massive weight on your chest that makes it hard to breathe
that feeling

9.20 the college student condition

Credit cards? It feels like I am sinning
I owe Mom and Dad Money= $220
Old Navy $600
Discover $300
Bank of America $ 0
Money to my name
Commerce Bank account $82

Check coming on the 23rd
$maybe $215
So bank balance is $ 297
Mom and Dad get $100
Old Navy gets $52
Discover gets $52
Bank account after paying everyone $92
Next paycheck the 8th of October can we say breathing underwater?
I have to use the credit cards or drop a class.
Alas, debt the college student condition
IHOP is hiring, I really don't want to go back to waiting tables,.
Seriously
The childrens home is hiring too...
New Respite kiddos.
Sparks, Wensdays and Fridays 630-10 which will be good. because thats 7 hrs
and I have to make an effort to work every sunday at least
saturdays when I can
This is just nuts
A in one class
D in another
? no assingments in the last one
this seriously feels shitty