It isn'[t what she thinks. Its not about rebellion. I just want to lkive, to have their permission to be. I dont think that I will be raped, living on my own. It feels as if they don't trust me. Like they dont beilive i can handle myself. I understand that I have had enough problems living with them, that I am sure the big deal is that she doesnt think I can handle myself by myself. But she doesnt understand that it would be different because then I would be able to breathe.. then I could be. I would love to go along with her., if she could explain how.. I feel like I have stayed heere just to pacify who she thinks i am supposed to be. I have been "called" or whatever you want to call it since I was 10 years old... and  I cant shut that up/ It is a very loud roar... I know that Gods timing is the best timing and i know, he knows about her.. I just am tired, and weary... and sick of not belonging with anyone.
She says their has to be church here for me, but all i have found is self-righteous hypocrisy and politics.. even in places SHE says are wonderful.. I understand their is no perfgect church. But I also think there are a few standards and guidlines we can "expect"...
I can't even talk without saying it wrong, without not hearing what i am saying or how i am saying it, she says i say it differently but she wont tell me how to say it instead, I feel so trapped, she refuses to work with me... picks apart everything from where i paint in my ROOM on my REMOVABLE CARPET.. to my sentance structure and the fact that i said most instead of some.
She says she is trying but i can NOT see, any of this so called effort.

I WANT TO MOVE.
I WANT TO PROVE TO MYSELF
but she says her and him, dont think a girl living by themselves is ok.... seriously? I am not a blonde bubble head or a vulnerable/gullable.trusting mess. I am ocd/and paranoid I dont speak to boys and really anyone, but in reality if i lived with a roomate their would be a chance of "danger" I mean seriously? they made such a big deal about her break up with Josh, but they didnt stop to ask about the Andrew thing, and how her called/texted repetivly saying he never wanted to speak with me again, and how i treat him like shit, and how i never loved him as even a friend.. and how i was never gonna find anyone if i was still such a controlling bitch? No they never asked, I said I hadnt heard from him and we werent really friends and she gets to be HORRIBLE FOR 3 years...

whatever happened with trust?
GEORGE MUELLER====
i need to beilieve they can trust me, i need to beilive they understand i can handle myself.

I need consistency but they dont give that.,,,
and heaven forbid i bring that up, or i get an earful about how awesome mom is.. and ungreatfullness...