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Its like I am trying to breathe underwater and everytime I move I plunge deeper into icey madness. And maybe, maybe this will be enough to push me over the edge of reason. But probably not because I have enough self respect to hold off for a bit. But as of right now I have no one, Emily, Laura, and ET have all but said forget it. And the thing is  I dont really blame them I am a ridiculous individual with all but no concept of self respect or boundaries. Its pathetic but true. I can not deal appropriately with people whatsoever. And it just seems to be getting worse. I need to finish this year off and go somewhere else. Where that is? I dont know. Having all this time to think about it has only made it worse.