I don't really no where to start.
Laura and Emily and I are done.
I lost the best friend I had ever had through almost no fault of my own, but it was my fault a little bit.
And I learned that just because someone is a snazzy dresser does not mean that they are a good person to become friends with.
I remembered the kind of person I used to be,
The crazy amounts of ambition and drive
the wanting to get to the goal no matter what
and this much crying has been exaushting.
Knowing that I used to be so much better at being alive then I am now
It seems as if this is a steep journey upwards.
And it hurts like nothing else.
I ashamed for my actions but proud that I did something, proud that I finally stood up for myself.
And peacefull knowing that your 20s aren't forever and eventually my personality will be caught up too and eventually people my age will be easier to talk to and they might even like me
Peter Pan is leaving for the summer and I will have absoultly nothing to focus on.
I will be taking a Math class which will suck but Its my last chance
I won't have the girls this summer and I will just worry about them
The Ninja he will be gone working at a camp.
But thats seemingly irrelevent because he's not interested we just have semi-flirtatious conversations that always end up making me feel dizzy. Its so sad he has no idea the effect he has on people.
I keep repeating to myself "Just one more year" hopefully after awhile it will sink in but I am not so sure.